Romantic Love: Is it a Realistic Goal for
By: Jennifer H.
I recently attended a training conference for psychotherapists
that showcased several experts in the field of marital therapy.
The purpose of the conference was to educate therapists.
Yet when it came to determining the goal of
marital therapy, NO ONE suggested that restoring the feeling of
love should be the goal. In fact a prominent scholar and expert
on "sex, love, and relationships" boldly said, "Anyone who says
that romantic love can last is giving you B*** S***." He
probably lost the feeling of love in his own marriage and didn't
know how to restore it. But then he had the audacity to claim
that no one knew how to do it.
This "expert" was not alone with his viewpoint.
The topic of creating and sustaining the feeling of love was
never discussed in any of the marriage-related workshops that I
attended. They talked about conflict resolution, improving
communication and listening skills, understanding each other's
themes and beliefs, understanding our choices in how we behave,
and changing our irrational beliefs about the other. But these
issues were not intended to help couples create the feeling of
love. According to these scholars, that goal was impossible to
Several times I felt like shouting out to the
thousands of fellow therapists, "The feeling of love is not only
something that can be created, but it's essential to every
marriage. I help couples restore their love for each other every
week. And so do countless others who use Dr. Harley's 'Four
Rules for a Successful Marriage' when counseling."
I ended the five-day conference feeling
energized. Although these educators and experts did not know how
to create feelings of love in marriage, I use a plan that has
taken couples from feelings of hate, discontentment,
unhappiness, and incompatibility to feelings of love,
contentment, happiness, and compatibility.
Do you know how to create the feeling of love in
your marriage? If you don't, I urge you to read all of Dr.
Harley's Basic Concepts, especially his "Four Rules for a
Don't let anyone tell you that the feeling of
love is unobtainable or unsustainable. It can be created even
after years of neglect. It is an achievable goal. And I speak