Family & Life Menu
Here you will find Collection of humor about parents,
children, fathers, mothers, raising kids, giving birth to
babies, teaching the young, and much more. We all could use a
good laugh every now and then! Enjoy!
Things Mom Taught Me...
My Mother taught me
LOGIC..."If you fall off that swing and break your neck, you
can't go to the store with me."
My Mother taught me MEDICINE..."If you don't stop crossing
your eyes, they're going to freeze that way."
My Mother taught me TO THINK AHEAD..."If you don't pass your
spelling test, you'll never get a good job!"
My Mother taught me ESP..."Put your sweater on; don't you
think that I know when you're cold?"
My Mother taught me TO MEET A CHALLENGE..."What were you
thinking? Answer me when I talk to you...Don't talk back to
My Mother taught me HUMOR..."When that lawn mower cuts off
your toes, don't come running to me."
My Mother taught me how to BECOME AN ADULT..."If you don't eat
your vegetables, you'll never grow up.
My mother taught me about GENETICS..."You are just like your
My mother taught me about my ROOTS..."Do you think you were
born in a barn?"
My mother taught me about the WISDOM of AGE..."When you get to
be my age, you will understand."
My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION..."Just wait until your
father gets home."
My mother taught me about RECEIVING..."You are going to get it
when we get home."
And, my all-time favorite - JUSTICE..."One day you'll have
kids, and I hope they turn out just like YOU -- then you'll
see what it's like!"
Mom's Brownies Recipe
Remove teddy bear from oven and preheat oven to 375.
Melt 1 cup margarine in saucepan.
Remove teddy bear from oven and tell Jr "no, no."
Add margarine to 2 cups sugar. Take shortening can away from
Jr. and clean cupboards.
Measure 1/3 cup cocoa.
Take shortening can away from Jr. again and bathe cat.
Apply antiseptic and bandages to scratches sustained while
removing shortening from cat's tail.
Assemble 4 eggs, 2 tsp. vanilla, and 1-1/2 cups sifted flour.
Take smoldering teddy bear from oven and open all doors and
windows for ventilation.
Take telephone away from Billy and assure party on the line
the call was a mistake. Call operator and attempt to have
direct dialed call removed from bill.
Measure 1 tsp. salt, 1/2 cup nuts and beat all ingredients
Let cat out of refrigerator.
Pour mixture into well-greased 9x13-inch pan.
Bake 25 minutes.
Rescue cat and take razor away from Billy. Explain to kids
that you have no idea if shaved cats will sunburn. Throw cat
outside while there's still time and he's still able to run
Mix the following in saucepan:
1 cup sugar
1 oz unsweetened chocolate
1/4 cup margarine
Take the darn teddy bear out of the @#$% broiler and throw it
away -- far away.
Answer the door and meekly explain to nice policeman that you
didn't know Jr had slipped out of the house and was heading
for the street. Put Jr in playpen.
Add 1/3 cup milk, dash of salt, and boil, stirring constantly
for 2 minutes.
Answer door and apologize to neighbor for Billy having stuck a
garden hose in man's front door mail slot. Promise to pay for
Tie Billy to clothesline.
Remove burned brownies from oven
truths about life that adults have learned
Raising teenagers is like
nailing Jell-O to a tree.
There is always alot to be
thankful for if you take the time to look. For example: I'm
sitting here thinking how nice it is that wrinkles don't
One reason to smile is that
every seven minutes of every day someone in an aerobics
class pulls a hamstring.
Car sickness is the feeling
you get when the monthly payment is due.
The best way to keep kids
at home is to make a pleasant atmosphere and let the air out
of their tires.
Families are like
fudge....mostly sweet, with a few nuts.
Today's mighty oak is just
yesterday's nut that held its ground.
Laughing helps. It's like
jogging on the inside.
Middle age is when you
choose your cereal for the fiber, not the toy.
My mind not only wanders;
sometimes it leaves completely.
If you can remain calm, you
just don't have all the facts.